he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize