In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
