Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't turn off my feet"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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