I love black thongs
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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