a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
