New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
