why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize