she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
