i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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