I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize