i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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