I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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