i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So vagazzling was a success
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
