It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
