oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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