Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
