my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
