I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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