JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
