If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
