I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
