Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
