she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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