break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
