We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
