my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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