I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
