im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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