Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
