I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
