They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
