tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
two words: eviction party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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