does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
