It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did I show you my penis last night?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
