is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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