I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
