the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
