Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
