You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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