I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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