Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
