You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize