watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
