Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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