I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you traded sex for a burrito?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
