when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
