I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
