Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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