dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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