The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
