We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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