Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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