three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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