hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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