am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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