If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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