The maid of honor just puked.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
