His pubic hair was longer than his dick
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
