i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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