watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
