Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
