dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
