Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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