There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
