i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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