he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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