I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
