Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize